a Mom-shaped gap

I was looking around the Comfort Queen website and I found a Coaching service for $600 a month. I read what a Coach does and I began to think that I needed one, although I certainly can't afford it, but then I realized that I actually need a Mom.

I never had a really cozy relationship with my mom, but when she died I did feel that there was a gap in my life. Cathy (see Tuesday's post) and several other ladies at church abundantly filled in that gap with support and advice and friendship.

But since we've lived in the desert (6 years now) I haven't found a Mom. I know lots of ladies who belong to my parents' generation, but I don't have a Mom-type person to have over for coffee or to call when I'm overwhelmed.

Our church has a mentoring program for women but it focuses on the spiritual side of things. I tried it for a year and a half, with two different mentors, and they both studied the Bible with me, but neither offered practical advice. I need the How-to-Arrange-Your-Kitchen-Cupboards advice and the Teaching-Your-Children-to-Share advice. My best friend's mom even watches her kids so she can spend weekends away with her husband occasionally.

Jesus my Savior,
You promised that
You would not leave us orphans.
I know You will provide
everything I need
to be a good mom
and housewife.
Lead me to helpful resources
and give me the energy
to be what my family
needs me to be.

something I needed to read today

I'm not familiar with this author, nor have I read more than one post on her blog, but I loved today's post: http://www.comfortqueen.com/coming-home-comfort

And by the way, I've been updating my list of Blogs I Read, to the right of my posts here. Do check them out.

Good things

It's important to treat as a bonus,
not a right,
every single good thing
that is given to us.
--Jean Watson, in Bereavement

Each thing I have received,
from Thee it came,
Each thing for which I hope,
from Thy love it will come,
Each thing I enjoy,
it is of Thy bounty,
Each thing I ask,
comes of Thy disposing.
--quoted by Calvin Miller, in Celtic Devotions

My friend Cathy died last night.
I saw her three weeks ago and she told me "I won't be here much longer. Thank goodness." Near her chair were three devotional books, her Bible, and a book about facing the end of one's life. She talked about her church (where I used to attend) and how concerned she was because all the new members were old people. She wanted to see the church reaching people of all ages...and I think Cathy always fit in with the younger crowd better than the elderly.

Cathy spent the last decade fighting one health challenge after another, but her thoughts were always on other people. She managed the prayer request network at her church, scrapbooked lots of family memories, and invited college kids into her home. Cathy and I had lunch together every week for two years. Cathy was one of those people who gets older in years but never in attitude.

I will miss Cathy, but I know she is pain-free at last, and I know she is enjoying the fellowship of the saints and the Lord Himself.

meaning in the blank space

I began this blog in a very stressful season of life, filled with physical pain and emotional stress. Blogging about everything from vacuum cleaners to itunes helped preserve my sanity. I took a blogging break this summer while my life was full of travel, nostalgia, and appreciating the cool weather of the Pacific Northwest.

Now we are home and it is August in the desert. Discouragement and exhaustion follow me around. For one crazy twenty-four hour period last month, we considered moving to Portland, Oregon. It truly was not a financially wise idea at this time. We know it is sensible to stay in the desert another year, saving money and sorting our belongings thoughtfully. But...I glimpsed the future and I wanted to jump into it. It still calls to me, making me discontent with the dust and the heat here. In August there are no women's activities at church, friends are travelling to cooler climates, and the month stretches out like a dry hot dreary winter with no holidays.

Before we went on our trip I ordered several Quiet Spaces booklets. Quiet Spaces is a magazine from England that explores "prayer and spirituality." I love the short articles by authors from various denominations. I thought some back issues would be perfect for our trip. But they did not arrive before our departure.

Last week we returned home and sorted through the mountain of mail. The Quiet Spaces "Creation and Creativity" issue was one of the first things I read. I was fascinated by Margaret Silf's words about the night sky in the southern hemisphere: "Aboriginal people find meaning in the dark spaces between the stars, rather than in the patterns of the stars."

Meaning in the dark spaces. Something within the blankness matters. I may be discouraged...bored...tired...but within this dry and dusty month I will listen for God's voice.

a prayer from St. Clare

What you are doing, may you keep on doing and do not stop.
But with swiftness, agility, and unswerving feet,
may you go forward with joy and security
knowing that you are on the path of wisdom and happiness.
Believe nothing, and agree with nothing
that will turn you away from this commitment.
Nothing should be allowed to prevent you
from offering yourself to the Most High
in the perfection to which the Spirit of God has called you.
Amen.

--from an e-mail from Paraclete Press, promoting their book The St. Clare Prayer Book.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY, Monday August 11, 2008...
Outside My Window... straggly herb plants under a palm tree

I am thinking... I wonder if this is our last August in the desert

I am thankful for... my husband's fabulous cooking
From the kitchen... bacon-carmelized onion-scrambled eggs-gnocchi
I am wearing... my robe. Yes, at 10:20 a.m.
I am creating... long-overdue blog posts
I am going... to the library
I am reading... Thin Places, by Tracy Balzer
I am hoping... my sore neck is finally better
I am hearing... the Olympics on tv
Around the house... my husband is on vacation for a few more days
One of my favorite things... coffee
A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week: a breakfast at a French bakery, a dinner at a Morroccan restaurant

The Simple Woman's Daybook suggests sharing a picture thought right here, but I haven't figured out how to get blogger to put a picture at the end of a post.